I thought I knew him. I thought I saw a great man of God. I felt His power to worm His way into My heart, to welcome me to be a part of His life, to help him achieve His goal of making money while He sleeps at night. Then he walked away. . . giving me the best gift a God can give a Mother, two sons who love me, just as I am. But in reality, they see my weakness in finding One who calls me to His side, to be His Bride. They have heard of this Bridegroom where prostitutes go because He says, “Neither do I condemn you. Go and sin no more.”
Is the dating game a way to find a Man of God? Or do men and women find the only one, and real Man worthy of our worship turns out to be the Lord God and our Lord Jesus Christ? It works for me. I think I am in this trouble, because I’ve known my friend Jesus since I was only three. He makes the flowers nod, the trees to gently sway and the elephants to swing their trunks all saying God is Love!
This Christmas Season brings back those wonderful memories of my parents bringing Christ into our life, with joy, song, music, laughter, camping, playing, snow skiing, water sports, ice skating then being in jeep convoy, to meet on the Mountain Side, to listen to Lessons about Him, up there in Colorado Mountains, where waters of melting snow provided a cold fresh drink of pure mountain water. And this too has changed, but the memory remains, in all the broken and rotten ruins, that retains the legend of those who have gone before us, fighting, striving to overcome the odds of finding in God and Jesus a welcome hand of love and protection from the storms around us!
Without someone to tell me I am worthless to God, my sanity improved overnight. I could not believe I was “competent.” You see, I could not use the words I AM. Those two words could only be spoken by GOD, who can say, I AM GOD. I was assured of His love as child, but told as wife, overweight, I could not enter through the pearly gates, to see My Jesus, and something within made me feel incompetent. Was their something more I had to do, to be forced into to doing, to make my Lord love me, a sinner? And in doubting myself, I permitted men to drug me. Until one day it made sense, to move away from a “force,” that condemned me.
Please don’t point out my weakness for defending the one who loves me. . .like Mary Magdalene found in Jesus a true friend.
For sixteen years I voluntarily took bipolar medicine, to please a man who yearly purchased a new car to fulfill his dream of being a successful cave man. As long as I was drugged, and he was superior to me, he could be like a pirate of the land and sea. He could love me, leave me, and do as he pleased. He could have his cake and eat it too. All he needed was to prove I was insane. . . for trying to live with a man, who could prove his power to reign over my desire, to try and prove. . .I cared for him in the way he desired. I became his prostitute, until he tired of me to find another.
Which brings us back to the dating game, which is like no other! And now no other can compare with Jesus. It is not about “our connection” it is about connecting to a family that sees our worth is built on knowing He makes us worthy to call Him, Jesus and bowing down to worship My King.
Call me what you want, but the only voice I hear is His. I am among the Mary’s, Sandra’s, Helen’s, and every name of a woman finding in Jesus the name that makes us sane! I am a child of God, that I know for certain! I don’t know my Angels name, but for now I call Him Michael the Archangel, with feathers for arms that surround me like the down comforter on my bed. I can crawl under His Wings and feel secure as a woman who no longer needs to prostitute herself to any man.
Discern between love and not love.
There are still those in the “church” who despise the “prostitutes” who try and bow down to their “husbands.” Most do not know what goes on behind closed doors!